An Early Morning Elegy for Seltzer

Hi folks — we're 55 minutes in and I've been taking some time to appreciate the recent changes that the Ratty has delivered for us on this cozy Saturday. Mostly, I've been fuming about why these changes had to happen the year I went off meal plan, but that's neither here nor there. Like most changes in Brown policy, they Ratty's "renovations" are almost entirely superficial. But there are some nice things that the Ratty has gained, including expanded fruit offerings, better pizza (which I experienced a couple days ago when a friend swiped me in), and a better salad bar. Stay tuned, because Kyle will be posting later on with a photo rundown of all the exciting changes that the youngins will get to take for granted long after we seniors have walked through the gates.

My wonder and slight jealously at the new Ratty offerings is punctuated by a sad loss that I must report. The new and improved drink stations no longer offer seltzer in the soda machines. It always tasted slightly off coming out of the old soda machines, and is hated by many as much as it is loved by some. But seltzer was always there for me during my Ratty years.

Call it what you want: seltzer, club soda, soda water, sparkling water, carbonated water, or the devil's bubbles (probably), and feel how you want about it, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that seltzer is amazing. Seltzer fulfils a very specific niche in my palate. It is there whenever I want something cold and fizzy but not sugary. It's simultaneously healthier than soda but more interesting than boring old non-carbonated water.

In addition to fulfilling a niche, seltzer is also versatile. It's perfectly refreshing to drink plain or with a lemon slice from the tea station. It's readily mixable with any of the Ratty's juices (I liked cranberry the most). It's an integral ingredient in the bizarre-yet-delicious egg cream, which I've discovered this year works well with both chocolate milk and coffee milk. And there are any number of delicious cocktails that rely on seltzer to provide carbonation (the mojito, to name just one).

Whether you love seltzer or you hate it, it's undeniable that its loss at the hands of the Ratty's renovations (ed-"renovations") is a big blow for seltzer fans. Join me in pouring one out for a lost soul of the new Ratty.