Oh, a dark and stormy night. It's nights like these that remind me of the time Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob fed a health inspector some really bad food. [Laughs evilly. Stormy night becomes calm day]. It was a bright and sunny morning. [Scene cuts to the Sharpe Refectory where a fish drives up and stops in front of the restaurant. The scene zooms into his badge that reads 'Health Inspector'.]
Mr. Krabs: [Taking a bath in bear bucks.] Ah...That smells like... [gasps] ...the health inspector! [Mr. Krabs runs up to SpongeBob in a yellow towel.] Wash your hands, clean the floors, change your underwear, hide the Hermione cut out! The health inspector's here! [Both are peeking out the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is writing on a clipboard.] If he finds one health violation, he'll close us down for good. We've got to do everything in our power to make sure he passes the Sharpe Refectory.
Health Inspector: I'm going to need you to bring me one of everything on the menu.
SpongeBob: [Walking backwards back into the kitchen.] Excellent choice, my darling. Coming right up! [SpongeBob enters the kitchen, where Krabs waits.] He wants one of everything.
Mr. Krabs: Then we'll give him a smorgasbord! [Holds up a tray of breakfast and lunch food.] The future of the Sharpe Refectory is at stake! [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs run up to the health inspector.]
SpongeBob: Try the Chocolate Chip Pancakes, sir! [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]
Mr. Krabs: The Tater Tots are a touch of heaven. [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]
SpongeBob: The Croissants are exquisite. [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]
Mr. Krabs: Fresh Spiced Pork Chops? [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]
SpongeBob: More Steamed Broccoli? [stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]
Mr. Krabs: Some Ginger Chicken Pasta?[stuffs it in the inspector's mouth]
Health Inspector: Please, gentlemen! [Swallows all the food in his mouth.] Leave me to finish my work in peace. [Clicks his pen, which is actually a fork that comes out. Later, the health inspector has eaten everything on the table and burps.]
SpongeBob: And did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?
Health Inspector: [Writes on his clipboard.] So far, so good. I just need to try dinner and my inspection will be finished.
SpongeBob: [Open kitchen door.] He says if he gets dinner, he'll pass us for the inspection!
Mr. Krabs: [Picks up SpongeBob.] Do you know what this means, dear boy? We're in the clear! [Both dance off then leapfrog over each other, across the screen then do the can-can in dresses until a news report comes on tv.]
A. Realistic Fish Head: We interrupt this can-can for a special news bulletin. Be on the lookout for a man who's been passing himself off as a health inspector in order to eat three meals for the price of one. That's all for now. [Mr. Krabs gets angry]
Mr. Krabs: Free food?
SpongeBob: Maybe we oughta tell our guy about the phony impostor.
Mr. Krabs: You loony loofah, he is the impostor! We've been duped!
SpongeBob: Duped!
Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!
Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word, and I agree with ya! [Both look through the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is wiping his mouth off, finishing his drink (coffee milk), and cleaning his teeth with a toothpick.] Look at him. I bet he never washes his khakis.
SpongeBob: I bet he bites tiger tails.
Mr. Krabs: I bet his mom bought him that blazer. [Holds up some pasta.] If that impostor wants dinner, then by Elrod, we'll give him one. [Takes a plate of ginger chicken pasta and puts some braised red cabbage on the patty] You're dancin' with the crab man now! Join me, boy, or you're fired.
SpongeBob: It doesn't seem right... [holds up a bowl of Saturday night jambalaya] ...but it feels so good! [dumps a spoonful on the patty] Jambalaya: the gnarliest stuff in the ocean!
Mr. Krabs: Ohh, hold on, I've got a ton of stewed cauliflower in my office! [runs off as SpongeBob drops the food in the toilet]
SpongeBob: Oops, I dropped it in the toilet! [Mr. Krabs runs in with a smelly sock]
Mr. Krabs: Well, fish it out, and I'll dry it with me gym socks! [scene cuts to showing a disgusting plate of food with what appears to be pimples and green meat] Why that's the most diabolical dish ever spawned! [both are wearing clothespins on their noses
SpongeBob: I call it the 'Nasty Ratty'. [both laugh]
Health Inspector: Hey, hurry up with my dinner! [SpongeBob runs in with the Nasty Ratty]
SpongeBob: [speaking quickly] Here you go sir, enjoy. [runs back into the kitchen]
Health Inspector: Ah, hello, delicious. Come to papa. [He eats a spoonfull and starts to choke.] This stuff is horrible, I'm writing you a terrible review! Just wait till I publish to the Blog Daily Herald, you'll be ruined!
