HAYLEY IS A SLYTHERIN and other news

As you may or may not know, Pottermore finally re-added the Sorting Hat to its website and the internet rejoiced, because what are we without personality assessments? (Except I firmly reject horoscopes because every astrology post ever is like, Leos: awesome! Pisces: so great! Sagittarius: the best! Gemini: THE FUCKIN WORST OF ALL TIME AMIRITE. It's not my fault I was born in May, team.)

So the Sorting Hat is back, but the best part of this is not that we can figure out what group we'd be in at a fictional wizard school. It's that Hayley is a Slytherin.

That's right.

Hayldemort is real.




She took the quiz TWICE and got Slytherin BOTH TIMES.

In the interest of fair and balanced reporting, I also collected extremely empirical data on the houses of everyone else sitting at this table (six tables), most of whom were also sitting here retaking the sorting hat quiz. It seems like they must've recalibrated it or something because we're all getting wacky results now and none of us know who we are anymore. But I hear that it is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities, so here's everyone's real Hogwarts house determined by quiz, soul-searching, or maybe a literal hat, who knows.

Zack G. - Ravenclaw
Tim - Ravenclaw
Zach W. - Hufflepuff (quiz told him Gryffindor, but he disagrees)
Caleb - Ravenclaw
Nick '14 - Gryffindor
Ken - Hufflepuff
Ben - Hufflepuff
Sid - Hufflepuff
Brooke - Hufflepuff
Christie - Hufflepuff
Gabe - Ravenclaw
Greer - Ravenclaw
Amy - Gryffindor
Chris - "This test isn't real." Gryffindor or Hufflepuff.
London - Ravenclaw
Carol - Slytherin
Hisyam - Slytherin
Kyle - Gryffindor
Francesca - "I haven't read the books, but someone made me take the test and it said Gryffindor but then someone said Ravenclaw and someone else said 'Hayley is that because the only Asian in the movies was in Ravenclaw?'" Inconclusive.
Dana - Ravenclaw but she keeps getting different answers
Gaby - Gryffindor ("??? ??? ?")
Lainie - Gryffindor, but she's upset about it.

Science, folks.

(Also, everyone should check out sortinghatchats for a really interesting take on Hogwarts house affiliation.)

(Anyway.)

Ultimately, though, regardless of the weird recalibration, it's a good thing the quiz is back, because in its absence we were left with quizzes like this:


I got B. I am Sandwich Girl.

Actually, we're mostly Hufflepuffs, and we are all Sandwich Girl. So maybe it's a pretty good quiz after all.